Be a Penpal With an Incarcerated Person
Why
Writing letters provides a vital connection to the outside world for incarcerated people. Many pen pals have been incarcerated for years or decades and no longer have living family; and others are estranged from family or friends. Isolation can be the most debilitating part of a prison sentence, and when a prisoner receives mail it means someone cares. It connects them to the outside and can help link them to resources, education, and community support not reachable in prison.
It’s really important to check your loving kindness and get clear about why you want to connect with a pen pal, what your motivations are, and what you want to get out of the friendship. Be conscious and ask yourself what assumptions you have about people who are incarcerated. Don’t base your assumptions on something seen in a television show or documentary. This less about ‘helping’ prisoners, and more about recognizing that everybody has something to learn from each other.
Commitment
Do you have the capacity to commit to an ongoing relationship? It can be incredibly disheartening for many, especially those serving long or even life sentences, to receive one or two enthusiastic letters from someone who promised to correspond regularly but didn’t follow up. Please don’t make promises or create false hope. Consider if you are able to correspond on more or less a longer-term basis.
This doesn’t need to be an intense time commitment. Letters can be as long or as short as you want, just be upfront about how often you can write. We suggest twice per month but if it’s only once a month, just say so. Be clear and open with your pen pal.
Confronting
Are you prepared to hear about some uncomfortable things regarding prison life e.g., abuse, sexual assault, and violence? A pen pal might bring up topics that affect you, so it’s important to have support in order to deal with stories of trauma that you might hear. Writing to people in prison can also lead to an intense learning experience about incarceration, and a pen pal relationship can lead to a desire to do advocacy for that individual or towards the entire system.
Privilege
Are you compassionate and able to check your privilege? Be transparent about your privilege(s) e.g., being a non-incarcerated person, a white person, having class privilege, etc. in whatever ways that feel true and necessary so you can build a solid and truthful relationship. Don’t be afraid to speak openly and honestly, just be conscious of the scarcity of resources incarcerated people deal with and the power differential it creates. Race, class and other factors dictate who is criminalized and who faces barriers to literacy, so please be mindful of varying levels of literacy.
Cost
Unfortunately, prisoners are expected to pay for envelopes, paper, and stamps through their prison commissary. There is a chance that pen pals may ask you to contribute money to their commissary. If you’re ok with that, please do so. If you decide to send packages or funds to their commissary, be clear about the amounts and frequency you are committing to, and reflect on how it could impact your pen pal dynamic.
Points to Inform your Letter-Writing
Approach your first letter with openness and curiosity the same way you might any other getting-to-know-you conversation. Introduce yourself and share some basics e.g., where you live, what you do for work or what you study, favorite activities, hobbies, books, food, art, people, etc. It doesn’t need to be long, around one page is fine.
Make sure to communicate your needs and intentions in corresponding, along with specific information and topics you do and do not want to talk about in letters. It might seem a little awkward or out-of-place at first, but it makes things easier in the long run. Set boundaries that are meaningful and important to you, and to share as it feels appropriate.
Ask your pen pal questions about themselves and what they enjoy, to open up a dialogue. You can also ask logistical questions, such as if their facility has access to email and if they’d prefer to communicate that way, or how to send commissary donations (if you’re interested). The Pen Pal may disclose personal information but might not wish to discuss those matters in future letters. If unsure, ask which topics they feel comfortable talking about, and whether it’s alright to reference information they’ve revealed in previous letters. Ask what their preferred name and pronoun(s) are and then write the actual letter to your pen pal’s preferred name. Use their legal name on the envelope but on the letter use their preferred name e.g., Gerry Richards #F05C56 (envelope), Dear Gigi (letter).
Do not ask about conviction histories. Let people share in their own time what they wish to share.
Getting Through the Mailroom
All letters go through the mailroom where they are opened and inspected. Do not include any incriminating information about yourself or the person you’re corresponding with. Some prisons have been known to share sensitive information with other arms of law enforcement. Be mindful not to disclose your immigration status or other information that might compromise your safety.
In your first letter ask your pen pal what the mailing restrictions are for that prison, which may include a restriction on the number of pages, whether they can receive pictures or photocopies, sizes of envelopes, etc. The rules vary widely. An envelope with a letter written on normal paper using a pen or pencil is the safest bet. Some prisoners need typed letters due to a reading or vision impairment but otherwise, a handwritten letter is fine.
Most prisons will not give a letter to an inmate if there is not a full first and last name with your return address. Please remember to include your full return address on the envelope and on the letter itself, as some prisons do not allow the envelope to be given to the prisoner. Many of us feel nervous about sharing personal information. Do what feels right and maybe take time to look at the fear. If you are not ready to disclose your personal name or address with your pen pal, using a pseudonym and a PO Box or online service is fine.
Make a copy of your letter in case it doesn’t get through on the first try because of mailroom restrictions, or because your pen pal was transferred to another facility. If you don’t hear back from your pen pal with within 4 to 6 weeks, it is possible that they have been transferred or released.
From California Department of Corrections
Prisoners are allowed to receive mail from anyone other than an incarcerated person or someone released from prison within the last year. To receive mail from another prisoner or those recently released, the prisoner must seek the Warden’s approval. Content may not contain anything that is a threat or potential threat to another (including discussion of a future criminal act, discussion of an escape, discussion of disrupting the security of the prison, coded messages, maps depicting the area in which the prison is located, gang-related comments or photographs, or photographs of nudity or sexual conduct).
All mail sent to or from prisoners is inspected by mailroom staff. Correspondents may send prisoners letters (not more than 10 pages in one envelope), cards (without embellishments such as stickers or glitter), photographs (limited to 10 per envelope and not larger than 8” x 10”), drawings, children’s schoolwork, articles cut from newspapers or magazines, etc. Correspondents may not send a prisoner full books, magazines, newspapers, or packages; such matters must be sent through approved vendors and the prisoner can advise family and friends about that procedure. The prison will try to deliver mail within seven days, legal mail is expedited.
You may send a money order or check. Mailroom staff will take it out when the mail is inspected and send it to trust accounts, where it will be credited to the prisoner’s account. Money may also be sent to by credit card through an approved telephone vendor (i.e., Western Union, J-Pay), but there is a charge for those services.
All mail should be addressed to the prisoner with their full name, CDCR number, housing, and address of the prison. Most prisons have a post office box number where prisoner mail is sent. The address can be obtained on the CDCR website or by calling the prison.
Format for Envelopes:
Inmate’s full name, CDC#
Institution Name
P.O. Box Housing (preferable)
City, CA ZIP
For more information, visit this link from the California Department of Corrections.
Places to Find a Penpal
Black & Pink coordinates a nationwide pen pal program that matches pen pals with incarcerated LGBTQIA2S+ people and people living with HIV/AIDS. "For an incarcerated LGBTQIA2S+ person, corresponding with someone on a regular basis is itself a harm reduction strategy, giving that person a support network outside of prison."
Compassion Prison Project (CPP) creates trauma-informed prisons and communities via trauma-awareness education and programming. They also have a letter writing campaign. "We’ve been told by several prison residents that nothing brightens their day more than hearing their name called during mail call. Writing can be therapeutic and healing and can also cultivate a sense of belonging and connection."
California Coalition for Women Prisoners: Writing Warriors
Writing Warriors is a project as part of the California Coalition for Women Prisoners (CCWP). It aims for advocacy through correspondence and works to establish supportive relationships with women, trans and gender non-conforming people incarcerated at the Central California Woman's Facility (CCWF) and California Institute for Women (CIW).
Resources
Nat'l Prisoner Resource Directory, by Prison Activist Resource Ctr
Incarcerated Parents Manual, by Legal Svcs for Prisoners w/Children